Chris: After hearing that Joba Chamberlain’s mom was arrested for selling methamphetamines and John Terry’s mom was arrested for shoplifting, I will feel much more content the next time my mother addresses me as “Chrissy” and “honeybunch.” No one wants to bail one’s mother out of the hoosegow.

Ralphie: I think that they are embarrassing their kids. I think that they think they won't get in trouble because they are rich. But they should get in trouble anyway.

Brad: Whose mom hasn't done anything to embarrass them? When I was very little, my mom wished I was a girl.

Ralphie: I feel bad for your mom since she has to tell people you are her kid.

Brad: My mom and my aunt decided that it would be great entertainment for them to dress me up as a pretty little girl when I was about 3 or 4 years old. They put a dress on me, smothered me with lipstick, make-up, and topped off my appearance with a wig. I didn't know what was going on. The funny thing is they took pictures and still show them to people on occasion. Some people find them disturbing, but for some reason old ladies think it's the funniest thing in the world. It's NOT funny, Mom!

Chris: I wonder if RuPaul’s mother felt the same way.

Joe: And now the tables are turned. Brad's mom is embarrassed for her son. My mom liked attention. The wrong kind of attention, if you know what I mean. Here was a woman who had been with the same man for many, many years. But, as time wore on, she began to mail it in. Every year, she threatened to leave. Then, change her mind and stay. Finally, the old man had enough and sent her packing. So, she grabbed the first clown she met. It ended badly. So, she made a big scene and started dating my dad's longtime best friend. She pranced around town in an embarrassing fashion. All for attention. Man, what an embarrassment. Wait a minute, I just realized . . . that wasn't my mom. She was a good woman. I was describing Brett Favre!

Brad: Ralphie must be confused.

Joe: Barbara Billingsley (June Cleaver) was a great mom. She always had dinner on the table. She packed the best school lunches. She was always dressed to the nines. And she never shoplifted second-rate beach sandals or sold methamphetamines to kids or undercover cops. Too bad Beaver never amounted to anything in life. She deserved a better kid who wasn't always fouling everything up for everybody.

Brad: I don't know what to say about rich athletes' moms getting into trouble. It seems like they should chill the heck out, live the good life and watch junior put the ball in the hoop.

Chris: Other options include serving Campbell’s Chunky Soup to her son’s teammates or simply sitting next to Bubby Brister’s mother at all Steelers games. When it comes to embarrassing one’s child without breaking the law, there are many viable tangents. Has anyone’s mom ever given in to all their wanton desires and participated in an all-you-can-eat contest? I just said "wanton."

Ralphie: No but she keeps threatening to. She likes to wait until my sister is out of the car and walking toward her friends then she puts down her window and yells I love you Anna as loud as she can. When we are in the car she will drive over the bumps on the side of road and then go good grief what did you eat? It's so funny.

Joe: My kids are fine, upstanding citizens. They go about their daily routines and probably make the world a slightly better place for doing so. Good for them. But it doesn't do me any good. I belong on television. I should be there cussing out officials on national TV. Dating friends of my son's supermodel girlfriend. And arguing with my sons in national magazines about what lousy people they are. That's the life I should be living.

Brad: Joe could probably father a professional male cheerleader. (Probably second string, though.) I would be one happy parent if I had a kid who was a professional athlete. That would be awesome. I'd have Junior buy me an island and get free tickets to all of his/her ball games. I would be chillaxin', 24/8. I'd be supportive and just thankful that all my superior athletic genetics PAID, baby. Laughable.

Chris: Brad just unabashedly pilfered and ruined my idea to adopt a pyrooter from a McDonald’s High School All-American team.

Brad: That's sooo not gonna happen, Chris.

Ralphie: I would be involved and go to practices and help out and maybe coach if I could.

Joe: What do you know, your mom still cuts the corners off your PB&J sandwiches.